Tag Archive | #personal

My Fears and the ‘What Ifs’

“What if”

A despairing thought lurking in the shadows of my imagination. Thinking of the negative things that could possibly take place but never happened. I was pessimistic, letting my fears sink in. Destroying my heart and mind from it’s tranquil state, overpowering optimism, and letting myself go into a depressive mood. I was thinking about the worst-case scenario. I was stuck, slowly sinking in a muddy sinkhole.


Acting as if everything is fine. Putting on a happy mask, a facade so people around me would stop asking questions I keep on avoiding.


I haven’t visited my WordPress nor written anything for several months, my apologies for that. I stop. I was afraid, if I write how I feel people would pick up the negativity, then causing a domino effect. Spreading negativity to my readers, that I do not want to happen.


My father was hauled into an ambulance, while on the way to the hospital the ambulance care assistant declared “no response”. As my mother narrated the details of what transpired that time, I felt totally numb. I keep telling myself not to cry, to be strong, and to stay hopeful. My father had his second stroke, the first time was five years ago. I didn’t know how to deal with the situation then, because I didn’t know how to handle my emotions either. I needed to talk to someone, I was so afraid, but I don’t want to be a burden to someone else. I didn’t want my family to know how fearful I was back then. My father showed signs of progress the next day, getting better day by day. That gave me hope.


While my father was still recuperating, the news of terrorist attack flooded most social media, TV and radio stations. From where I live 37.9 km away, war-torn Marawi City its death toll has now breached the 600 mark. For more than three months of on going war, people are devastated, Marawi City is left in ruins. Every now and then helicopters flew overhead, and now I am getting used to hearing it everyday.


Yes, things doesn’t go as you want them to be,  you worry too much. But you know you need to have a better attitude towards the situation.


As I recall myself thinking, what if my father didn’t make it? What if my father was paralyze? What if his brain had been affected from stroke? What if the terrorist attack my city? What if the war broke into my city? What if we are force to leave our homes? What if some of my friends were affected by Hurricane Irma and Harvey, I have no news from them. What if my friends leave me? And who wants to become my friend when I’m carrying a whole load of baggage? What if I die today? The unending ‘what ifs’ keeps popping up, fuelling my fears more and more.


I let this two words control myself, wondering will I be okay? Letting it surround my thoughts, causing anxiety and depression. Making me feel miserable.


“The fears we didn’t face become our limits.” This quote from Zig Ziglar made me realize I become my worst enemy. What happened?!?!?! I was a positive thinker before.


As Dustin Meyer stated on his article The Ultimate Guide to Self Motivation, “The biggest thing that will help is not being negative toward yourself. If you are negative you only will bring yourself back down, and you will be less motivated. So, just being positive about any outlook and rewarding yourself will prove to be a tremendous help.”

From <http://www.theevolutionarymind.com/ultimate-guide-to-self-motivation/>


Another article of Dustin Meyer helped me go through my struggles. He wrote in his 10 Motivational Quotes, “Remind yourself that all the suffering and hardships you go through is worth it in the end. No matter how many hardships you go through, how many people tell you you’re wrong or how many times you fail, just remember that you’ll find that it’s more than worth it in the end.

“The only person you are destined to become is the person who you choose to be.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think about it this way: If you never go through hard times in life, than how can you expect yourself to be prepared for the challenges that lie ahead? Like I said earlier, your ability to react to failure is what makes you stronger.”

From <http://www.theevolutionarymind.com/10-motivational-quotes/>


All of this happened for a reason. I am taking each day as it comes, to keep reminding myself to be positive, to be hopeful, and to start again. To look forward to the positive possibilities of my future.
What matters the most is you strive to become better no matter how hard things get, go forward with a greater sense of purpose.


Photo credits to the owner http://awatrees.blogspot.com.

Photo credts to the owner http://awatrees.blogspot.com.

Just Let Things Happen. If It Makes You Happy, Just Do It.

Before, I am the type of person who keep on worrying over small stuff. I often over think, and my imaginative mind would picture out the worst case scenarios. I have been trying my very best to rectify this, and focus more of being a positive thinker. Less worrying and letting things happen.

Yes, I just let things happen. Enjoying myself, indulging in what life can offer. It is more fun living in a worry free, and less stress new version of myself.

Most of us worry too much. Worrying about our future, our family, our job, our boss, our colleagues, our friends, our neighbors, our pay checks, our bills, the monthly expenses, our health, the kid’s tuition fees, rising prices of commodities, fluctuation in currency exchange rates, our country’s current President and it’s Administration, etc. We even worry about what other people think of us, and what they say behind our backs. Oh yes, we worry too much. Remember this, too much worrying causes stress. Too much stress causes health problems. Health problems leads us to dying at a young age. Bottom line, do not worry too much.

Do what makes you happy. If you love your work, then make the most out of it. If you love your friends, enjoy every moment with them. If you love your family, rather than stressing on small stuffs from worrying too much, enjoy your time being with them. If you want to be successful, take the first step, and take action. Keep pursuing on what you wanted the most.

Just do what you wanted to do. Do it now. You may never have the time to do it later if you keep worrying of the aftermath. Time is precious. Listen to that strong feeling of yours. Say what you wanted to say, and do what you love to do. Life is precious. Live a happy and awesome life. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Enjoy every single moment. JUST DO IT.




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Embracing Fallibility


Even the knowledge of my own fallibility cannot keep me from making mistakes. Only when I fall do I get up again.

~ Vincent Van Gogh ~

I am not perfect. I admit I make mistakes and have the tendency to be wrong. As humans we are all fallible.


I have my own beliefs and principles. Following it makes me more in line with my inner self as it reflects my values in life. But sometimes, you tend to deviate from it. To yield, give in, and concede to someone you value the most. Even to the point of knowing it is not right anymore. I’ve done wrong. Just for the sake of making someone happy.


I’ve done my part. It may not be the best, but I’ve tried. I did’nt have enough time though, there is always not enough time as it seems. Or I wasn’t given enough time at all.

Making mistakes means learning. I’ve tried something I’ve never imagine doing in my lifetime. I admit, it was exciting and awesome experience. 

The beauty lies in the experience I’ve gained. Those precious experiences kept in memories, I’ll be reminiscing for a lifetime.


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A Thankful Heart

By Loveallie Lao

It is not every day that someone pays for your food, treat you with coffee and desserts. I believe nothing is free in this world. But when someone voluntarily does this for you without expecting anything in return, you must be grateful. Simple gestures brings joy and happiness. Little things, when sum up turns out to be the greatest source of joy.

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy. They are the charming garderners who make our souls blossom.

~ Marcel Proust ~


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Book lovers have the habit of ‘Tsundoku’.  

Saving it for rainy days marathon reading? 

Either curled up on bed, or just enjoy reading while sipping hot mocha latte in between pages. But never got the time to do it.

Just collecting books. To fill in the book shelf.  😊😊😊

Emotional Discipline: Be in Control

By Loveallie Lao

Sometimes you get angry easily, and staying angry for too long. Do not let this feeling take control over you.

Pay attention and watch over your own feelings. You must control your impulse. Otherwise, it may result to conflicts, and create some disagreements.

We all lived differently. As we experience life’s struggles, doesn’t mean upsetting others and creating conflicts are acceptable. Some may understand you, some may not. One must obey the proper code of behavior.

By focusing on emotional discipline, you may be able to unlock greater achievements. Great leaders possess these qualities. The ability to think first before acting. The ability to control their reactions amidst difficulties and vexations. Able to face obstacles and problems head on without being too emotionally affected. Getting fired up, and staying motivated despite the hurdles and road blocks. Great leaders know exactly how to handle and take control over their emotions.

Emotional discipline means emotional self-control. It can either bring you sadness, or it can bring you happiness. It can lead you to your own downfall, or it may lead you to your success. It’s up to you, but I suggest you select happiness and success.

Feelings are strong forces, where in these emotions can be your primary source of energy and motivations. The way you feel gives bigger impact in your everyday life.

Use the power of emotional discipline to develop, and customize it to your own advantage and benefits base on your own needs. These emotions sets up the capacity to significantly deal with your current, and future hurdles and challenges.

You have that control. The power to discipline yourself to become big and successful in life. Take that chance and get hold of that opportunity.



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Enthralling Monte Fort and The Ruins

By Loveallie Lao


I often visit The Ruins whenever I’m in Macau. But it was only on the 3rd visit that I discovered adjacent to it is the famous Mount Fortress and Macau Museum, both located on the East side of The Ruins.


A South European style single-storey barrack was transformed into a Meteorological Bureau. A famous attraction to tourist for its historical significance as they can see the old defunct cannons lined up on the old fortress, an ancient bell and tower. Mount Fortress or Fortaleza do Monte (also know as “Monte Forte”) in Portuguese originally belonged to the St. Paul’s Church, to protect it and defend against pirates, but was later on used as military fort.  The city’s primary defense before with supplies enabling them to survive a two-year siege.



Don’t forget to bring bottled water with you. The climb uphill, and the stones steps are a bit steep to reach Mount Fortress. The climb to the top was worth it, a bird’s eye view of Macau’s cityscape was magnificent. Dreading the walk back, decided to follow where the people are headed. Only to discover a quick shortcut through the museum, where you can ride down the escalator with the comfort of the air-conditioned museum. Museu de Macau started its construction in 1996, and currently it housed some sacred paintings, lithurgical objects, sculptures, and historical relic



My first time to visit The Ruins, we only took photos of the baroque facade from the bottom steps. We’ve been walking the whole day, and seeing the uphill climb of several steps seems exhausting. 68 steps to be exact as I counted it on my second visit, where I was able to reached the top. Seeing up close the 4 colonnaded tiers structure known for it’s Western and Eastern fusion of cultures. The Ruins of St. Paul’s is a Portuguese Church built by Jesuits that began in 1602. Also known as “Mater Dei“, was destroyed by a fire during a typhoon in 1835.


The facade is rich in ornamentations, full of classic characteristics, and Chinese inscriptions. Tourists are allowed to go up the top of the facade, climbing from behind via the steel stairway. Some says it is customary to throw coins towards the top window of The Ruins, for luck. Don’t know how true it is. Still behind the historic structure of the  facade is a crypt containing bones of Vietnamese and Japanese martyrs.


The fun part was sitting on the lower level steps, enjoying the street foods while taking selfies (photo taken by oneself with smartphone), and several snapshots with the full view of the facade as the background.



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Unfinished Masterpiece

By Loveallie Lao


I am my own unfinished masterpiece. A finest work of art that no one can mold but me alone. So today, I choose to fall in love with myself. I choose to be happy, because happiness is contagious. I’m passing it on to everyone. Smile and be the brightest sunshine.


Some people may criticize you, and some will definitely admire you. But they are absolutely not in control of you. Be the master of your own life.


Life is like a canvass. It begins with blank, and everyday is like another brush stroke. A brushwork only a painter can distinctly control and dictate, making it a fine piece of artwork. You are a work in progress. You only get one canvass, so be the painter, and make your life a masterpiece.


Do what you love and do a lot of it. You have to know what sparks the light in you, so that in your own way you can illuminate the world. Fire is beautiful, be that fire. You are magnificent, believe in that.


Attract what you expect, reflect what you desire, become what you respect, and mirror what you admire most. You are amazing, you should remember that.


You are your own unfinished masterpiece. You are the creator of your own destiny, and the script writer of your own life.


Photo credits to the owner, downloaded from google.


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