Tag Archive | #personal

My Komorebi

Now I’m stuck

muddled thinking

might go amuck

sure I’m a ditzy

as I often forget

you’re my komorebi

shining very brightly

it led my way

out of my gnawing ennui.

 

 

 komorebi 2a

Photo credits to the owner https://www.fragrantica.com
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My Fears and the ‘What Ifs’

“What if”

A despairing thought lurking in the shadows of my imagination. Thinking of the negative things that could possibly take place but never happened. I was pessimistic, letting my fears sink in. Destroying my heart and mind from it’s tranquil state, overpowering optimism, and letting myself go into a depressive mood. I was thinking about the worst-case scenario. I was stuck, slowly sinking in a muddy sinkhole.

 

Acting as if everything is fine. Putting on a happy mask, a facade so people around me would stop asking questions I keep on avoiding.

 

I haven’t visited my WordPress nor written anything for several months, my apologies for that. I stop. I was afraid, if I write how I feel people would pick up the negativity, then causing a domino effect. Spreading negativity to my readers, that I do not want to happen.

 

My father was hauled into an ambulance, while on the way to the hospital the ambulance care assistant declared “no response”. As my mother narrated the details of what transpired that time, I felt totally numb. I keep telling myself not to cry, to be strong, and to stay hopeful. My father had his second stroke, the first time was five years ago. I didn’t know how to deal with the situation then, because I didn’t know how to handle my emotions either. I needed to talk to someone, I was so afraid, but I don’t want to be a burden to someone else. I didn’t want my family to know how fearful I was back then. My father showed signs of progress the next day, getting better day by day. That gave me hope.

 

While my father was still recuperating, the news of terrorist attack flooded most social media, TV and radio stations. From where I live 37.9 km away, war-torn Marawi City its death toll has now breached the 600 mark. For more than three months of on going war, people are devastated, Marawi City is left in ruins. Every now and then helicopters flew overhead, and now I am getting used to hearing it everyday.

 

Yes, things doesn’t go as you want them to be,  you worry too much. But you know you need to have a better attitude towards the situation.

 

As I recall myself thinking, what if my father didn’t make it? What if my father was paralyze? What if his brain had been affected from stroke? What if the terrorist attack my city? What if the war broke into my city? What if we are force to leave our homes? What if some of my friends were affected by Hurricane Irma and Harvey, I have no news from them. What if my friends leave me? And who wants to become my friend when I’m carrying a whole load of baggage? What if I die today? The unending ‘what ifs’ keeps popping up, fuelling my fears more and more.

 

I let this two words control myself, wondering will I be okay? Letting it surround my thoughts, causing anxiety and depression. Making me feel miserable.

 

“The fears we didn’t face become our limits.” This quote from Zig Ziglar made me realize I become my worst enemy. What happened?!?!?! I was a positive thinker before.

 

As Dustin Meyer stated on his article The Ultimate Guide to Self Motivation, “The biggest thing that will help is not being negative toward yourself. If you are negative you only will bring yourself back down, and you will be less motivated. So, just being positive about any outlook and rewarding yourself will prove to be a tremendous help.”

From <http://www.theevolutionarymind.com/ultimate-guide-to-self-motivation/>

 

Another article of Dustin Meyer helped me go through my struggles. He wrote in his 10 Motivational Quotes, “Remind yourself that all the suffering and hardships you go through is worth it in the end. No matter how many hardships you go through, how many people tell you you’re wrong or how many times you fail, just remember that you’ll find that it’s more than worth it in the end.

“The only person you are destined to become is the person who you choose to be.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think about it this way: If you never go through hard times in life, than how can you expect yourself to be prepared for the challenges that lie ahead? Like I said earlier, your ability to react to failure is what makes you stronger.”

From <http://www.theevolutionarymind.com/10-motivational-quotes/>

 

All of this happened for a reason. I am taking each day as it comes, to keep reminding myself to be positive, to be hopeful, and to start again. To look forward to the positive possibilities of my future.
What matters the most is you strive to become better no matter how hard things get, go forward with a greater sense of purpose.

 

Photo credits to the owner http://awatrees.blogspot.com.

Photo credts to the owner http://awatrees.blogspot.com.

Just Let Things Happen. If It Makes You Happy, Just Do It.

 
Before, I am the type of person who keep on worrying over small stuff. I often over think, and my imaginative mind would picture out the worst case scenarios. I have been trying my very best to rectify this, and focus more of being a positive thinker. Less worrying and letting things happen.
 

Yes, I just let things happen. Enjoying myself, indulging in what life can offer. It is more fun living in a worry free, and less stress new version of myself.
 

Most of us worry too much. Worrying about our future, our family, our job, our boss, our colleagues, our friends, our neighbors, our pay checks, our bills, the monthly expenses, our health, the kid’s tuition fees, rising prices of commodities, fluctuation in currency exchange rates, our country’s current President and it’s Administration, etc. We even worry about what other people think of us, and what they say behind our backs. Oh yes, we worry too much. Remember this, too much worrying causes stress. Too much stress causes health problems. Health problems leads us to dying at a young age. Bottom line, do not worry too much.
 

Do what makes you happy. If you love your work, then make the most out of it. If you love your friends, enjoy every moment with them. If you love your family, rather than stressing on small stuffs from worrying too much, enjoy your time being with them. If you want to be successful, take the first step, and take action. Keep pursuing on what you wanted the most.
 

Just do what you wanted to do. Do it now. You may never have the time to do it later if you keep worrying of the aftermath. Time is precious. Listen to that strong feeling of yours. Say what you wanted to say, and do what you love to do. Life is precious. Live a happy and awesome life. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Enjoy every single moment. JUST DO IT.



 

 

 

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Embracing Fallibility

 

Even the knowledge of my own fallibility cannot keep me from making mistakes. Only when I fall do I get up again.

~ Vincent Van Gogh ~
 
 

I am not perfect. I admit I make mistakes and have the tendency to be wrong. As humans we are all fallible.
 

 

I have my own beliefs and principles. Following it makes me more in line with my inner self as it reflects my values in life. But sometimes, you tend to deviate from it. To yield, give in, and concede to someone you value the most. Even to the point of knowing it is not right anymore. I’ve done wrong. Just for the sake of making someone happy.
 

 

I’ve done my part. It may not be the best, but I’ve tried. I did’nt have enough time though, there is always not enough time as it seems. Or I wasn’t given enough time at all.
 

Making mistakes means learning. I’ve tried something I’ve never imagine doing in my lifetime. I admit, it was exciting and awesome experience. 
 

 
The beauty lies in the experience I’ve gained. Those precious experiences kept in memories, I’ll be reminiscing for a lifetime.


 

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A Thankful Heart

By Loveallie Lao

 
It is not every day that someone pays for your food, treat you with coffee and desserts. I believe nothing is free in this world. But when someone voluntarily does this for you without expecting anything in return, you must be grateful. Simple gestures brings joy and happiness. Little things, when sum up turns out to be the greatest source of joy.
 

 
Let us be grateful to people who make us happy. They are the charming garderners who make our souls blossom.

~ Marcel Proust ~

 

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Tsundoku

Book lovers have the habit of ‘Tsundoku’.  

Saving it for rainy days marathon reading? 

Either curled up on bed, or just enjoy reading while sipping hot mocha latte in between pages. But never got the time to do it.

Just collecting books. To fill in the book shelf.  😊😊😊